This is the " Little Red Riding Hood Story" as an Italian-American Nonna would say it in broken English - broken Italian... Enjoy!

 

The Bellissim Story of Cappuccett Red

Author Unknown

 

One mattin her mamma dissed:
"Dear Cappuccett, take this cest to the nonn,
but attention to the lup that is very ma very kattiv!
And torn prest! Good luck! And in bocc at the lup!".
Cappuccett didn't capisc very well this ultim thing
but went away, da sol, with the cest.
Cammining cammining, in the cuor of the forest,
at acert punt she incontered the lup, who dissed:
"Hi! Piccula piezz'e girl! 'Ndove do you go?".
"To the nonn with this little cest, which is
little but it is full of a sacc of chocolate and
biscots and panettons and more and mirtills",
she dissed.
"Ah, mannagg 'a Maruschella
(maybe an expression com: what a cul that had)
dissed the lup, with a fium of saliv out of the bocc.
And so the lup dissed: "Beh, now I dev andar
because the telephonin is squilling, sorry."
And the lup went away, but not very away,
but to the nonn's House.
Cappuccett Red, who was very ma very lent,
lent un casin, continued
for her sentier in the forest.
The lup arrived at the house,
suoned the campanel, entered, and after saluting
the nonn, magned her in a boccon.
Then, after sputing the dentier,
he indossed the ridicol night berret
and fikked himself in the let.
When Cappuccett Red
came to the fint nonn's house,
suoned and entered.
But when the little and stupid girl saw the nonn
(non was the nonn, but the lup, ricord?)
dissed: "But nonn, why do you stay in let?".
And the nonn-lup:
"Oh, I've stort my cavigl doing aerobics!".
"Oh, poor nonn!", said Cappuccett
(she was more than stupid, I think, wasn't she?).
Then she dissed: "But... what big okks you have!
Do you bisogn some collir?".
"Oh, no! It's for see you better, my dear
(stupid) little girl", dissed the nonn-lup.
Then cappuccett, who was more dur
than a block of marm: "But what big oreks you
have! Do you have the Orekkions?".
And the nonn-lup: "Oh, no! It is to ascolt you better".
And Cappuccett (that I think was now really
rincoglionited) said:
"But what big dents you have!".
And the lup, at this point dissed:
"It is to magn you better!". And magned really tutt
quant the poor little girl.
But (ta dah!) out of the house a simpatic, curious and
innocent cacciator of frod sented all and dissed:
"Accident! A lup! Its pellicc vals a sac of solds".
And so, spinted only for
the compassion for the little girl,
butted a terr many kils of volps, fringuells and conigls
that he had ammazzed till that moment,
imbracced the fucil, entered in the stanz
and killed the lup.
Then squarced his panz (being attent not to
rovin the pellicc) and tired fora the nonn (still viv)
and Cappuccett (still rincoglionited).
And so, at the end, the cacciator of frod vended the
pellicc and guadagned honestly a sacc of solds.
The nonn magned tutt the leccornies that were in the cest.
And so, everybody lived felix and content
(maybe not the lup!).